Lauri Przybysz, MS Ed
ACT September 2003
“Once you’re married, your personal life becomes a matter of public discussion in a way it never had been before.” Since his recent marriage, Alan Greenblatt for the Washington Post tells, “Lately I’ve found myself bombarded with another seemingly harmless question, and I have no idea how to answer it, because I don’t understand what the other person wants to hear. It doesn’t mater whether I’ve known my questioner for years or just met her at a dinner party. They ask the same thing: “So, how’s married life?” What am I supposed to say? It comes off as a question that’s more personal—you might even say concerned—than “How are you doing?” It sounds like a question that the other person asks in the genuine hope of receiving a sincere felt answer. “Fine” no longer seems to cut it. They want to hear that it’s “just great”– quick reassurance that your marriage is working out and by extension, that married life in general is still a strong institution.”
The newlywed journalist has hit upon a truth. Marriage appears so fragile today, crumbling all around us. Society is very concerned about marriage and wants reassurance that some couples, somewhere, are succeeding at it. Marriage impacts more than the couple, more than their children, more even than their immediate families.
What is the public face of your marriage? When people see you as a couple, do they see qualities that they wish they had? Does your relationship remind them that true love is possible? Can young couples point to you and say, “I want to be like them”?
Most of us will be quick to say that our marriage is not perfect. Our lives declare that perfection is not a requirement. Mother Theresa told us, “God does not expect us to be perfect; he calls us to be faithful.” We can rely on God to fill up what is lacking in each of us, and we rely on our vows to one another. We work at being married, in the ordinary course of life. That is all that can be asked of any married couple. Take note of how people view you as a couple, of the sign that you can be to them. If some bad habits have crept into your ways of relating to one another – negative humor, taking one another for granted -- look for ways to treat your spouse with more kindness and respect.
When we call Christian marriage a sacrament, we are not only talking about the grace the couple receives to live out their promises. We are saying our marriage is a sign of God’s love.
In her recent book, Immersed in the Sacred: Discovering the Small ‘s’ Sacraments (Ave Maria Press, 2003), Kathy Coffey reflections are especially poignant when we think of Marriage:
“God’s love for humanity must take a shape that we can understand: the tangible places, people, activities, and objects that fill our days…. If we begin to decode God’s communication, then we know that the sacred hides in the stuff of our lives; the holy does not inhabit a distant realm beyond us. We can find meaning in the dreariest day if we only know where to look. In this quest, a tradition that has always found significance in the ordinary may be especially helpful. It is the tradition of sacrament. The notion of sacrament depends on the idea that God can be found in this world, indeed, that this world shouts of the sacred.”
What married couple has been a sign of God’s love to you? Send them a note of appreciation. May God’s love shine through you.
